Guys, I met some food bloggers. Let me tell you something: Meetups are inevitably always a little weird, but I’ve been to plenty before and they’re always a lot of fun. The weird bits are always fantastic in one way or another because you either have a barrel of fun or at least have good stories to tell about afterward. I was at a photography meetup once and being in an Irish pub with about twenty other people all pointing giant lenses at each other is not only the epitome of weird, it’s just plain hilarious. I also couldn’t figure out if I felt more in place or out of place in such a crowd.

When I waltzed in fifteen minutes late into Alvin Garden on Saturday evening, a table of twelve greeted me. I definitely felt out of place at that point, awkwardly grabbing a chair and planting myself firmly in what was already a cozy table. However, it didn’t take long to settle in, and we were soon gabbing away.

Alvin Garden is a Hunan style Chinese restaurant, Hunan being one of the Eight Great Traditions (I had to look up what this was in English, but in Chinese it’s known as one of the 八大菜系). Geographically speaking Hunan is in the Southern portion of China, its name literally meaning south of the Lake (in this case, it’s Lake Dongting). It’s not only geographically quite close to the better know Sichuan, but also speaking cuisine-wise they are both really similar. Both cuisines are firey and full of hot, spicy flavors, although there is a small divide on what kinds of heat each cuisine packs. Apparently (I had to look this up) Hunan spice is more of a dry spice with liberal amounts of fresh chilis, shallots and garlic, while Sichuan heat is more often than not numbing from a variety of dried ingredients. Either way, I can’t handle my spice particularly well so you generally won’t find me stuffing chilis in my mouth like no tomorrow. But more on that later.

The dishes all look horrific, to me at least. The majority are crowded plates of deep reds: chili peppers are thrown in whole, sliced, diced, minced, any way you can have them. I mean, look at this beast:

And look at this ridiculous plate:

Seriously, how do you eat this? It looks like a plate of landmines to me. Honestly though, if you’re deft and do a little chopstick dance to wiggle your way through all the chili peppers, it was hardly hot at all. Of course, we had ordered everything in mild. I’m glad we didn’t feel the compulsive need to outdo each other on trying to off ourselves by spicy death.

The four season beans are fantastic, but pretty much every single Chinese restaurant worth its salt can do them well. If you go to a restaurant that can’t get these right, make for your nearest exit.

These things were interesting: labeled as pumpkin cakes, they were deep fried and quite chewy, with a bit of red bean paste inside. It was pretty neutral tasting, so I couldn’t really place whether it was supposed to be savory or sweet. Neither, I guess. Still, the texture was not too bad.

I think this was fish maw. I love the vibrant colors and liberal smatter of green onions and chilis on top, but it was largely for show. The kick in visuals didn’t exactly translate to a kick in the palate, but it was tasty nonetheless.

This was by far the weirdest thing I’ve ever had that was in a steambasket. What looks like a basket full of eyeless marshmallow peeps (oh, the horror!) is actually steamed corn cakes. In my mind that sounds pretty tasty, and when they arrived they looked like they would be good.

But they were not. Their funny shape gives no indication on what crazy textures would end up in my mouth whatsoever. The insides are hollowed out presumably so that they would cook all the way through (as you see from the photo). These cakes were sort of crumbly and pasty, with a non-distinct flavor that left me raking the roof of my mouth. I don’t even know what you’re supposed to do with these: should they be a side to something, or are they eaten on their own?

I won’t ever know because as our table slowly began to try these bite by bite, suggestions flew across the table that these tasted like playdoh. If the servers paid us any attention or at least gave us better service we may have figured out what exactly we were supposed to do with these, but not only did we realize after our meal that everyone else’s tables looked like they were filled with much more delicious and interesting items, I also seemed to just know how to pick ‘em. As I rattled items off the menu I wanted to order I got simple one-liners of “No, we don’t have that.” over and over again. It became an annoying game of let’s-see-what-ISN’T-on-the-menu. Very helpful.

Luckily, we entertained ourselves perfectly well to overlook these things. It was hilarious to watch as the food continued to keep coming and everyone frantically snapping shots and discussing the details of our meal. Foodies, we are such weirdos! I love it.

You know you’re a foodie when you come prepared to a restaurant like Kim does. Being a food blogger ain’t easy. It’s not all gobbles and giggles, y’know. There are blood, sweat, and tears… mostly sweat when you eat spicy food. And so Kim came equipped with his own chili-heat fighting device:

Dude, please don’t kill me for posting this.

Here is everyone else’s take on Alvin Garden:
Kevin @ 604foodtography – Wilson @ La Petite Vancouver – Kim @ I’m Only Here For The Food! – Gigi @ Ho Yummy – Sherman @ Sherman’s Food Adventures

Let’s do this again soon, guys!

» Alvin Garden on 4850 Imperial St in Burnaby, near Metrotown [604-437-0828]